Horrible Mothers

This seemingly simple but truly complex question" True or false: "My mother was a good woman." This item has appeared in one form or another on countless psychological inventories over the years. The culturally-prescribed answer is, of course, "True." Even the people most abused by their mothers tend to rise to defend "Mom." The rationale varies: "She was basically good"; "She was never cut out to have children"; "She simply had no idea how to be there for me"; "Perhaps if she hadn''t had me..."; "Maybe it was I who turned her into a bad mother?" As early as 1954 in his work with abused children, psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn observed that a child acknowledging to herself or anyone else that she had a bad mother or that her mother was a bad woman was tantamount to admitting that the child was, by association, a bad person --and so it becomes an act of self-preservation to hold that one''s mopther is good, never mind all evidence to the contrary. In Horrible Mothers, pshychotherapist A